I received the following from Christina, a member of our church family. I was so blessed by it that I wanted to share it with you.
Who I am!
I, Christina, believe in Jesus Christ my Saviour. But I also suffer from random bouts of anxiety
What do I do when I panic?
Well at first it was scary and I could have lost my way!
But now I stop and breathe and remind myself of God’s unconditional love through Philippians 4.6-7. I also have learnt that God has worked on me and can trust myself to allow someone to help
Challenges and anxiety
In Christ I can do all things. Well, I can vouch this is so true. Writing this fills me with such anxiety, but I know I wouldn’t be doing this if God wasn’t guiding me. What is making me anxious? > the knowledge that you are reading my personal things. However, I will still allow you because I know in the long run I will grow from it.
What do you feel when you’re panicking?
It feels like a rushing of darkness swallowing everything good I know whilst the urge to run kicked in but I am frozen. I fell like everyone is looking and judging me. Then this overwhelming feeling to cry kicks in, but I think two things: one I am not worthy of tears; and two, if I cry people will stare and/or laugh. So I run and hide, but it makes coming back harder because I think, what if someone saw me? They are going to ask/judge me on what is wrong, retriggering the whole process again.
What makes me come back despite the above?
The fact I have good friends that remind me none of this is true and having a God who I know deep down will help me face it again and grow from it. The fact I have been there before and survived it. Plus I love my life and know I have self-worth and my place in life, and where I am at, will one day become a tool I can use to help someone else find their worth.
What was I like at my lowest?
My lowest was aged 16-17 years of age. I was self-harming, trying to end my life and was so lost. I believed in God but was angry at him for my past. Everything that went wrong resulted in my drinking as a solution. This era, through my lowest, was the point God placed 2 people in my life that made me the woman I am today. The first was Yvette Campbell. She stopped me jumping off a bridge. As God sent her the different route home, she pulled me from the edge, took me to her home and reminded me of the great love of God for me. The second was my homegroup leader, Irene – now one of my closest friends. Her positivity and wise words and faith in God showed me so much and my life over the last 10 years has changed so much. There are many others that have impacted my life, but those are the 2 most life-changing. Yvette is no longer with us, but Irene will continue to be an important person as a best friend and a strong inspiration daily.
What I hope for my future and what I hope to achieve
I hope my life becomes more and more Christ focused and centred. I hope to be panic free one day. I hope and pray I will make my Father God proud of me and that I make my friends proud and that our friendship will continue to grow and that my anxiety, whilst it is here, will get easier to manage and I can climb over all the obstacles in my way, for I, Christina, believe in Jesus Christ my Saviour.
My main prayer at the moment:
My confidence in God will be stronger than my anxiety!